


Down Low.

by Bodysnatcherr



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-09-17 15:39:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16977345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bodysnatcherr/pseuds/Bodysnatcherr
Summary: Over thinking was one of Dean's worst yet best qualities and right now Castiel could read it all over his face.





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn't like Dean had a choice anymore. It was too blatant and too tense. Dean seemed to never have many options when it came to serious decisions in his life. They were all practically made for him. 

So for Dean to be sitting on the edge of his bed, flower in his right hand and his gun he kept in his boot in the other, he sighed. Going out with Castiel shouldn't be this hard. Hell, he's known the guy for ten years, but this was different. This was very different. But yet, with an angel as his date he still couldn't let his guard down so he carefully shoved the fire arm into his boot. 

With a small shake of his head, he stood up and gave himself a once over in his full length mirror. Dark wash jeans and a button down were nothing too fancy, but the watch and the tie he wore said other wise. It was not the every day wardrobe of flannel he'd grown used to. 

On shakey legs Dean exited his room, brain scrambling to try and find a way out of this, but he knew he couldn't. He'd promised Sam that he would do this. That he would acknowledge his feelings finally and asking Cas on a date was the first step. But actually following through was a whole other issue. 

"C-Cas?" Dean choked out as he lightly knocked on the wooden door. He could hear the sound of mattress springs creaking from behind the door before it swung open and Cas was there with a smile. Blue eyes shining brightly despite the lack of light in the hallway. 

"Ready when you are, Dean." Chirped Cas, a slight bounce in his step as he closed the door behind him. 

Nearly forgetting about the flower in his hand, Dean practically shoved it into Cas' chest, "I thought you'd like this, you can just throw it away if you don't though. Not a big deal." 

"It's beautiful, Dean. Thank you." Cas grasped the lily delicately, admiring the purple petals. 

Blushing, Dean shrugged and mumbled a quiet no problem. 

The ride to the steak house that Dean had made a reservation at was uncomfortably quiet. Dean was usually a chatter box at any given time, but right now as he's rushing to open Cas' car door he couldn't think of a single thing to say or to ask. 

Over thinking was one of Dean's worst and best qualities and right now Castiel could read it all over his face. 

A gentle hand on his shoulder stopped him in his tracks, "Dean, we don't have to do this. I can sense you're feeling uncomfortable." Came Cas' voice from over Dean's shoulder. 

"I-I just-I don't know, Cas. I never do this. I'm not used to any of this." Rambled Dean as he waved a hand around in the air, eyes not quite meeting Cas' gaze, "I just don't-I want to impress you... I don't want to fuck this up, man. "

"Dean, you couldn't 'fuck this up' if you tried. We share a profound bond, remember? Plus I like being near you. You make my heart warm, Dean." Cas' voice barely above a whisper and yet Dean still couldn't bring himself to look at him. 

The impalas door stood open as dean's hand seemed unable to shut it. Feeling as if he moved in the slightest all of Cas' encouraging words would disappear from his brain. Tightening his grip on the silver handle, Dean breathed in deep and managed to look at Cas. Cheeks burning red and heart racing, he smiled, "Thanks, Cas. Now let's go eat some over priced food."

With a small shove of his hand the impala was closed and Dean and Cas walked through the parking lot and into a lobby that left Castiel amazed. Mouth only slightly hanging open. 

"This is like the heaven of restaurants." He spoke softly, eyes falling across every fixture and painting he could soak up, "It's all very beautiful. " 

Scoffing, Dean shrugged, "Yeah, I mean compared to the diners we usually eat at this is pretty nice."

"Dean, it's okay to be impressed by things." Cas informed with a slight smirk, knowing just how much Dean doesn't like to admit that he finds joy in nice things. So it was very odd for Dean to be downing glass after glass of excellently aged wine. 

Their conversation was quiet and a little forced on Dean's half. No matter how much the wine had gone to his head, Dean still couldn't relax and no amount of effort on Cas' part was helping at all. Cas tried talking about AC/DC and Led Zepplin and all that got him was short winded answers with a quick paced delivery. 

It wasn't like Dean wanted to be this nervous, but if he was being honest with himself he could feel his heart beat in his own ears. He could feel the thin layer of sweat on his chest get a bit thicker every time Cas would smile at him or gaze a little too long into his eyes. 

As soon as the bill came Dean was slapping down a handful of twenties nodding at Cas, "You ready?" 

Giving a small sound of agreement Cas stood with slumped shoulders, feeling as if maybe Dean wasn't actually 'into him' like Sam had insisted he was. Castiel had been let down many a time in his life, but this, Castiel had never dealt with this before. 

As soon as Dean turned the car over Cas' hand found his way to Dean's to stop him from putting it into gear. "Do you think maybe I should drive? You did have five glasses of wine." 

Blinking like a deer in headlights at Cas, Dean tried his best to hide the falter in his voice when he realized Cas' hand was still on top of his on the gear shift. "Um." Dean cleared his throat, "Uh, yeah. That'd probably be a good idea." Usually Dean would fight with Cas about this. He'd insist he was fine and start showboating his balancing abilities, but Dean didn't have the mental aptitude at the moment to do anything other than focus on how soft Castiels fingers were on top of his. 

"Plus there's an ice cream place we passed on the way that I want to go to. Is that okay with you, Dean? " Quipped Cas, fingers gently flexing on Dean's skin. 

"Y-yeah. I could go for some cream of ice." Instant regret sprouted through Dean's body as soon as the words left his lips, but was quickly diminished when Cas let out a genuine laugh, hip nudging him from the drivers seat. 

The drive to the ice cream shop wasn't unpleasant, Dean managed to let his guard down slightly. Yet, he still couldn't manage to hold eye contact with Castiel for longer than five seconds tops. Dean knew that Cas didn't even like to eat food, let alone he never asked to go to specific food places. But he was really trying to over look that fact. In the back of his mind he knew that Cas was just looking for excuses to spend more time with Dean. Time that wasn't spent slumping around the bunker in pajamas, reading over research that they'd gone over ninety times before. 

"Is that your favorite flavor?" Cas questioned, tongue working at his own cone, mint chocolate chip. 

Dean glanced down at his own, rocky road, "Yeah, I think so."

"You're not sure if it's your favorite?"

Shrugging, Dean took a bite of pure chocolate and prompted Cas to scoot over in the front seat, "It's weird to see you drive Baby. I barely even let Sam drive her."

"Guess I must be pretty special then." A flash of a smile could be seen out of Dean's periphial. A flush came over Dean's cheeks and it wasn't from the heat that they had on blast. 

"Yeah, you could say that." He brushed over the subject, and he hated himself for it. He wanted to tell Cas how much he meant to him. He wanted to tell him about how whenever they run head first at danger, Dean really wishes Cas would stay behind. Really wishes that Cas would just be waiting in the bunker for him to come back. He never wants to see him with a scratch on his body, whether or not he can heal himself in a matter of seconds. Dean knows that there's always a possibility that Cas could be taken away from him in an instant and he's experienced that loss before and never wants to go through it again.

The times that Cas has been classified as dead have been too many for Dean to cope with. Every time Cas leaves to go on a mission alone, there is always a plead of please don't that hangs on Dean's tongue, but never manages to make it past his lips.

Light snow was falling onto the windshield and melting as soon as it came in contact with the warm glass, "Dean, my ice cream is melting. The heat is too high in here."

"Cas, it's twenty degrees out. If we don't have the heat on we'll turn into snow men." He joked, trying to fight the urge to steal a lick of Cas' cone from where it was steadily dripping onto his fingers, "I think there's some napkins in the glove box." Came Dean's quiet suggestion, praying in his mind that Cas didn't ruin the upholstery. 

"That's alright, I'm done with it anyway. Too many molecules to taste." Cas sighed, popping the door open and chucking the half eaten treat into the parking lot, "I don't know why I suggested us to get ice cream anyway."

Dean could tell the mood was changing, he could tell that Castiel was losing confidence in himself in that moment. The way Cas' shoulders were slumped in on himself, the way he held his now clean hands in his lap, fingers picking at the cuticles around his nails.

Turning sideways in his seat, Dean faced Cas, his own ice cream now dripping down his arm, but at this moment Dean didn't care what material he ruined. Seeing Cas upset was worse than any stain that could be imprinted on his life. "Hey, you were just being sweet. You know my fat ass loves ice cream so you wanted to give me an excuse to eat some."

The sound that escaped Castiel wasn't a sound Dean had ever heard him make before. It was a sound of frustration. Dean had only ever heard Cas lower his voice to an unnervingly baratone sound when upset. So for this groan to filter its way out of Cas' vocal cords was unusual to say the least. 

"Dean, I didn't want an excuse for you to eat something sugary. I just wanted to spend time with you like people do in all the movies you make me watch. I just wanted to be able to sit with you and watch you enjoy something without having to worry about anything, but I can tell you've been uncomfortable the whole night. I guess Sam was wrong." Castiel rambled, eyes scanning for purchase any where that wasn't Dean's face. 

"Hey, hey. Hold on, you do know that all you have to do is tell me you want to spend time with me, Cas." Dean spoke gently, hand itching to cross the last few inches between the two of them and rest on his thigh, but he was too scared.

Dean Winchester wasn't scared of many things in life, at least he never let fear stop him before. But with Cas this was different. It was all different. Castiel was an angel of the Lord and he knew what that meant and it terrified him. No matter how close him and Cas got as friends and hunting pals, he knew that Cas would always be an angel. And Dean, Dean was just a human from Kansas that had far too many scars for any man to bare. 

Yet if Dean got his head out of his ass for longer than five minutes, he'd be able to see that Castiel didn't care about any of that. He knew from the moment he touched Dean's soul that he was pure. As pure as a man raked up in hell could be and Castiel loved him all the same.

"Dean, do you know how hard it is to be near you every day? It's torture and it's also all I want." Cas sighed, shoulders falling into contact with the leather of the seat with a small thud, "You are what anyone would want to be in life. You are smart, brave, courageous. You have one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen and your soul is so white, Dean. I wish you could see it for yourself."

Every word that came out of Cas' mouth made Dean blush more and more. He had never had anyone speak about himself like that, let alone say it to him in such close proximity. In all honesty Dean was flattered, but also felt uneasy and unsure of how to accept all that was said about him when he felt the exact opposite about himself. 

"That's very nice of you to say, Cas. I appreciate it." Dean spoke robotically, as if he was programmed to.

"Can we just go home?" Pouted Cas, leg bouncing, visibly irritated. 

"Only if we can watch Lord of the Rings, extended cut." Dean suggested, trying to show Cas that he did want to spend time with him and that he did enjoy his company more than Dean would ever let on.

Castiel turned his head towards Dean, a small smile trying to work its way onto his features, "Return of the King?"

"Of course." Dean smiled back at him, "Now drive us home, chauffer." 

The drive home was more comfortable than any other moment that evening. Dean was full of steak and ice cream and compliments and he felt like he had won the lottery getting to spend time alone with Cas. No matter how awkward it may be for the both of them.

Although Dean was always nervous around Cas under the surface he loved how Cas makes him feel. Makes him feel worth something for once. 

With his pajama pants and sleep shirt on, Dean was sitting cross legged on the couch in their make shift living room. Cas was in a pair of gym shorts and robe, fuzzy socks warming his feet as the opening sequences of Return of the King played on the small fuzzy tv.

It didn't take Cas long to get engrossed in the film he'd seen at least five times before. Seeming as if this was the first time he'd ever watched it. But Dean didn't care, he just cared about his knee nudging Cas' hip. The small amount of heat he could feel from Cas' robe warming not only his knee, but also his face. He'd never felt more like a teenage girl fawning over a crush. 

"Are you okay, Dean?" Cas snapped him out of his own head, "You've been staring at me for the past five minutes."

"Y-yeah. I'm okay, Cas. Sorry."

"You don't need to apologize, I like looking at you as well." Cas spoke with no embarassment, his hand ghosting over Dean's knee before finally gently resting on it, thumb stroking the plaid fabric gently. As if testing to see if this was alright with Dean. 

The small amount of contact set Dean's skin on fire. He had been literally dreaming about this for years. Testing his own confidence, Dean placed his hand on top of Cas', fingers trembling slightly as he did so.

Cas smiled widely, "This is nice." He hummed, shuffling a bit closer to Dean so that he could lace their fingers together and Dean almost choked on his spit. He never knew merely holding hands with someone could bring him such an overwhelming feeling. His body was warm all over and he felt just like he had when he lost his virginity. Nervous and unsure of what to do.

Nodding, Dean agreed silently, tightening his grip on Cas' hand slightly. They stayed like that for hours, up until Aragorn was crowned the rightful King. 

"I really enjoy that movie." Came Cas' soft voice from beside Dean, their hands still entertwined and a bit sweaty from the contact, but neither seemed to mind.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been two weeks since Cas and Dean sat hand in hand and watched man battle orcs. Two weeks didn't seem too long, but a lot had happened in such a short amount of time. Cas had been gone for too many days now. Heaven was always calling him. And Dean, he was fixated on the most recent hunt they stumbled upon. 

Sam and he were knee deep in lore and legions of some monster that they hadn't hunt before. Sam could tell that Dean was getting more and more frustrated and worried with Cas not being home and it was showing in his haste to get out there and hunt down whatever this thing was.

"Dean, we can't just go out there half cocked. If we don't know what we're hunting, we don't know how to kill it." Sam tried to speak reason into his brother, but it was proving useless. 

"Sam. We cut the head off. Bam. Monster ganked." Dean bit back, anger starting to boil to the surface. Sam knew that Castiel being gone was a strain on Dean, but he had never realized just how much it took a toll on his emotional well being. The bags under Dean's eyes were more than proof enough that Cas not being home was keeping Dean up at night.

The food in the fridge that was Dean's went untouched. Toothbrush, dry. Clothes left unwashed. The only thing Dean had managed to touch was his stash of whiskey. From dusk til dawn Dean had a glass in hand. The pungent scent of alcohol radiating out of his pores. But Sam knew better than to criticize Dean. Sam knew that it would just end up with Dean screaming at him to fuck off and mind his own god damn business. And that was an argument that Sam would rather not have. So, he kept quiet.

With a sigh, Sam stood up from their wooden table, ankles cracking as he applied weight to them, "It's late, Dean. I'm gonna turn in." Sam was only six feet away from his brother when he heard Dean speak a faint, 'I miss him, Sammy.'

No amount of irritation towards his brother could ever make Sam turn a blind eye to Dean's obvious drunken declaration, "I miss him too, Dean. And I'm sure he misses you as well. He'll be back soon." 

The gentle sound of glass hitting wood echoed through the completely silent bunker. Dean nodding as he thought over Sam's words, he'll be back soon. 

"He always comes back..." Dean agreed, brow knitted tightly together, "He'll be back." And for some reason, he thought saying this out loud would help calm himself, help him digest the fact that this is always what Cas has done and it always will be. No amount of admiration from Dean was ever going to stop Cas from being an angel or for him to help when he was called. And while Dean doesn't quite understand the devotion Castiel still has to heaven, he can respect it. 

Sam had quietly retreated back to his own room, body feeling too heavy to do anything other than reclining back onto his bed and stare at his ceiling. He never was one for praying, nor did Castiel ever really listen to his prayers like he does with Dean, but he figured it couldn't hurt. 

In one fluid motion Sam was kneeling on his floor, elbows propped up on his neatly made bed, dark brown hair falling into his face as he bowed his head, "Cas...if you can hear me," He breathed heavy, warm exhale hitting his bare forearms, "Cas, Dean is worried, I know he won't tell me he is, but him saying he misses you is proof enough. So, whatever it is you're off doing if you could speed it up...just come back home. We both miss you."

He waited a few moments, silence. Sam knew that mostly his prayers fell on deaf ears to Castiel, but he hoped this time would be different. He hoped he could tell Dean something, anything that would bring him some form of comfort, but no response. No magnificent appearance on Cas' part, nor any feedback was given to Sam. 

Some days Sam really didn't understand the angel and at this moment he couldn't put two and two together to figure out why he'd been gone for so long. A few days was normal for Cas, but two weeks was a bit long for either of the brothers liking. 

With no response, Sam crawled into bed, blanket too itchy and hot for his skin that was already fuming from anger. Settling into sleep, he dozed off dreaming of a day when hunting would be put behind all of them. 

Unlike Sam, Dean laid awake in bed, leg shaking as he tried his damnedest to fall asleep, but the only thing he could think about was Castiel dead somewhere that Dean and Sam would never find. He pictured Cas gurgling blood, eyes swollen shut from punishment, fingers twisted in odd angles, knuckles visible through his bruised skin. And Dean felt bile rise in his throat, esophagus burning as he squinted the tears from his eyes. 

Swinging his legs over the side of his bed, bare feet hitting cold concrete, head falling between his knees as soft sobs escaped his lips. 

Never in his life had Dean felt this worked up over another person. He never thought he was capable of shedding tears for another person. Cas was going to come back in one piece because Cas always did. He always came back to Dean. No matter what, Cas would be there.   
Taking a few deep breathes, Dean nodded, neck stiff, "He'll come home soon." Voice rough and yet he wasn't sure why he felt the need to reassure himself.

Three more days added onto Castiel's two-week absence and Dean had only gotten worse. He had now taken to drunkenly cleaning every inch of the bunker he could manage. Leaving Cas' room untouched. He didn't want to disturb anything for the irrational fear that it would cause Cas to never come back. 

Mid spray of Windex to the study's table for the fourth time that day had Sam eyeing his brother. Head racing to try and find the right words Dean needed to hear, but he couldn't form any sentences that would bring any comfort. 

"Hey, Dean." Sam piped up, plastering an overly fake smile onto his features, "Why don't we go out and get some air? Maybe find a place to eat. I know I'm starving."

And while Sam was trying his best, trying to bring his brother back down to earth from the planet of worry and dread he'd been living on for the past couple weeks. All he got was a small shrug of plaid ridden shoulders and a mumbled, "What if he comes back and I'm not here."

"I'm sure if he comes home while we're gone he'll call. Come on, put your shoes on." Urged Sam, delicately pulling the bottle or Windex from Dean's hand, " I'll even let you try and beat me at pool."

It took Dean half an hour to meet Sam in the garage. When he finally pulled open the passenger side door, Sam could tell he'd been guzzling down yet another bottle of whiskey. With Dean's cheeks flushed red, and his eyes glassy, Sam sighed and set out to find a local bar that they hadn't been to yet. 

The bar they wound up at was only twenty minutes away. All the tables stuffed with people loudly laughing and drinking. Sam flinched slightly as the sound of chairs scraping against warped wooden floorboards screeched out through the building. 

"This alright?" Sam questioned, eyeing two seats towards the wall. 

Dean only gave a short nod and beelined his way to the bar, leaving Sam to claim their table. It didn't take Dean long to obtain four bottles of beer and stumble his way back to their seats.

Sam watched as it took no time at all for Dean to chug back the first two bottles, hastily wiping amber liquid from his mouth, "Do you think their kitchen is open?" Dean quizzed, fingers picking at the warped label on his bottle.

"Yeah, I'm sure it is, Dean. You want me to order us something?" Sam spoke quickly, thinking that it wouldn't be such a bad idea if Dean got some food in his stomach. Tending to a shit faced Dean who throws up all over the bunker isn't really what Sam wanted to do all night.

Taking Dean's grunt as a yes, Sam high tailed it to the bar and promptly ordered half of the menu.

There weren't many times in his life that Sam was taken aback by his brother, but as he turned around with a tray full of burgers, fries and chicken wings his eyes widened. Twenty feet in front of Sam was his brother, a strange woman in his lap and her whispering in his ear.

**Author's Note:**

> Never posted before. Let's see how this goes. If there are any spelling or grammatical errors please let me know. I proof read it five times, but still I could of over looked something. 
> 
> xo s.
> 
> [My Tumblr.](http://bodysnatcherr.tumblr.com)


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